Sunday, February 12, 2006

Faltu

In last Thursday’s paper I came across this extremely erudite and innovative take on the right options for India’s next budget. Such gems of lateral thinking. Impose stiff taxes on sugar, thus not only raising Rs. 25,000 crore in revenues but also – now why didn’t PC think of this?! – reducing the incidence of diabetes. Presumably this would also reduce expenditure on health by 17,000 crores? Also, impose further taxes not on cigarettes but on beeris, because they outsell cigarettes by a factor of 4 and this would raise a further 15,000 crore. Genius, of course, lies in simplicity.

The author was one Moloy* Choudhury, founder of a unique educational institution that dares to dream. Mr. Choudhury has amply demonstrated his own ability to dream - he has earned degrees in 1962, 1964 and 1968 from an institute in Berlin that was only established in 1970. I am lost in adoring reverence. How about quadrupling the duties on all energy sources, thus not only raising revenues by a billion zillion crore but also diverting India to an infallible energy source, to wit, hot air?

All this was brought to mind by an ad for a Bangla film in today’s paper. “He is coming soon”, it said. “In search of an identity”. The film (produced, of course, by our home-grown rival to Pixar and Warner Bros., Planman Films) is named Faltu (Worthless). Too obvious, too easy. I shall refrain from further comment.

* - thank you, Swati

**** ****

Kudos to Outlook magazine for initiating the Indian Razzies. They call them the Follywood Awards. (Sadly enough, a film I quite liked, or at least didn’t dislike, is nominated in three categories.) High time, too. But wait a minute – to judge which of these films is most truly awful, surely one has to watch the films? If serious cineastes now watch the films to evaluate them fairly, they could boost viewership to “hit” levels. Then .. could it be that even sheer putridity is now used to market films?


**** ****


20 comments:

thalassa_mikra said...

JAPda, not Mihir but Malayendra.

Ph said...

We have an image of you 'lost in adoring reverence.' VERY unsettling.

Anonymous said...

mustafa, mustafa, don't worry mustafa, hot air will power the world one day. Day by Day dekhta hain, gas walan barte hain, detonator kothai re ?

Bengali Guy said...

How about tax on having sex ?

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Swati, thank you.

Ph, unsettled not stirred?

Habibi, a thousand welcomes!

Bangali, otai baki. Can't you just imagine the taxman standing by your couch keeping score?

J.A.P.

Priya said...

Some people have such an uncanny ability to christen their products/by-products soooo appropriately. Faltu indeed !!!!

Arthur Quiller Couch said...

Mr. J.A.P., you're right out of Amit Chaudhuri. So typically Bong, you could be my uncle from Bhowanipore.
No offence meant. Your stuff reads well.

I read a fair part of your archives and you make quite a noise about being old. Are you near retirement age? If so, perhaps you should stick to white liquours.

TerritorialMale said...

How about a payment-tax on paying taxes OR entertainment taxes on BLOGS?

Falstaff said...

of course, given the institute in question, the REAL solution to kick-starting India's economic growth is even simpler - we just advertise that we have the highest GDP per capita in the world and it'll automatically become true. If necessary we can claim that our poor Indian rupees were actually Deutsche Marks all along, thus instantly creating an economic superpower.

thalassa_mikra said...

You're welcome JAPda. Apparently, this "Faltu" film has two Bombaiyya stars, none of whom speak Bangla. I just don't get it. Is there really such a clamour from the Bengali audience for movies with wooden actors and actresses, who can't even speak Bangla to save their lives?

hdpal said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
hdpal said...

If you get a hat hat, I’ll tax your hat
If you get a cat cat, I’ll tax your cat
If you wipe your feet feet, I’ll tax your mat
If you walk away away, I’ll tax your ...

- GH (1966)

GREATBONG said...

"Faltu" is an excellent excellent name.

Bonatellis said...

where did this gem by Sir Moloy appear?

panu said...

erm, I am hoping the film will live up to its name.

Vaga Bond said...

manman youyou gotgot tootoo manymany "ad"mire"ers""ad"mire"ers" youyou justjust donotdonot needwant. IMHO

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Priya, that was the point, surely?

Sir Arthur, I'm a "rum-bhakt". I hope you are accustomed to be reverential towards your uncles.

Territorial Male, ssshhh. PC might hear you.

Falstaff, it may not become true, but some morons will believe it. There's a story there ... some other time.

Swati, you think I'd watch the film to find out?!

HD Seuss, if only I knew whether you'd tax my bat.

Arnab, shetaai toh moja.

Bonatellis, the Telegraph on Thursday 9th Feb.

Panu, we're waiting for YOU to live up to YOUR name.

VagaBond, go easy on the Ecstasy, child.

J.A.P.

panu said...

JAP.. You HAVE not read the Erotic Stories that I write, have you??

erebus said...

really disappointed that salaam namaste didn'y make it... deserved atleast a couple of awards.
1) worst costumes for a straight man...
2) The height of living disproportionate to income...
3) Best misrepresentation of a foreign country

panu said...

Agrees wholeheartedly with Erebus... I mean... whats with those Superman Underpamts???

Had it been in India, Rupa could have made a fortune selling Shaktimaan brand Chaddis