OK, I goofed.
I felt bad for an honest tryer, tried to write about the feeling and produced something that didn’t make much sense. It was bad communication. But it did provoke some responses. Nobody called me an arrogant son-of-a-bitch, but the sub-text was clear. Where do you get off, you self-important bucket of industrial waste, implying that you are actually superior to others?
Owwww. Damn. That wasn’t what that was about.
It was about the feeling of watching somebody walk down the corridor with their undies showing and people sniggering about it. No wait, after Shefali Zariwala and Saif Ali Khan, that’s not a good example. Try again.
The feeling when some quiet kid says she’s going to try for the CAT and you know she’s hard-working, she’s a good kid but her chances of making it are practically non-existent. And you know that she’s going to try for it again and again until the disappointment shatters her confidence and she’s wasted three years of her life trying. And that shit about “at least she gave it a try” is all very well for authors of self-help books who grew up reading Jonathan Livingston Seagull, but it’s not going to make her rich or successful or happy, let alone give her back her three years.
Now – and here’s where the good doctor might listen up - she could have perfect pitch, she might be incredibly well co-ordinated physically, she might be a wizard with gizmos. But she can’t crack the CAT. The question is, why the dickens does she keep trying to crack the CAT when she could be excelling somewhere else? It doesn’t make sense to me. And I feel bad for her, because there are people who will dismiss her or categorise her as ‘that girl who keeps trying that exam every year’.
I know that there are things I just can’t do, things that I’m no good at. So her failure finds a resonance in my fear of my own failure. And I cringe for her.
I know that it’s not my place to tell her what’s wrong with her, I know I’ll never do it. Yet I look back, maybe I look inside, and think of all the times when I wanted somebody to tell me what I was doing wrong, but never had the guts to ask because I was afraid of ridicule. (Thanks, Quizman). So many contradictions. Simplest to just STFU. And look away.
So what I was trying to communicate was, how bad do you feel when you come across these honest failures, people who go on trying despite being really bad at what they’re trying for? How far do you empathise with them? Do you have a sudden insight of the Robert Burns kind, you know, “Wad some gift the giftie gi’ed us ..”? And is that empathy strong enough to make you physically wince, or shake your head and bury yourself in something else for a while?
Does it lead you to dig out the up-side of the downbeat, yet feel a twinge of shame for your own condition?
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Ummm … this may be stupid, but after reading the comments, I want to say some things up front.
Why must people automatically assume that I regard them as inferior? I’m far more likely to think that any one of you is superior to me. Truly.
I have not passed any judgement on any particular blog.
I am not so insensitive or so egoistic as to tell anybody that his or her blog is bad. I haven’t done that.
And hey, I didn’t say anything about grammar in the previous post. Where did that come from?
Finally, why the f*** are any of you taking me seriously? I don’t take myself seriously, dammit.
Here endeth …
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