Friday, August 19, 2005

Stocking, no garter belt



Christmas is just around the corner. In September this year. Or, as Plum so succinctly quoted, “Of all the mad New Year ’twill be the maddest merriest day / for I’m to be Queen of the May, Mother, I’m to be Queen of the May”.


And I shall have SUCH a lovely white gown, you know, three quarters, with the cleavage a leetle daring …

What do you mean, I don’t have the figure for it? I shall have 8x zoom, Ms. Smarty-Pants, 8 eight EIGHT X zoom.

That’s a 35-280 Nikkor , so put it in your pipe and smoke it. And a further 4x digital zoom. I hope you bloody well choke.

And EIGHT mega-pixel resolution. Yes, I said EIGHT.

And the next time I go to Kanha and see a tiger, I shall not have to face the trauma of rejection because the tiger didn’t come up and give me a three-quarter view (facing over there Sir, to the left Sir, into the sunset, a leetle more, just a tad, no? NO? Come on, Sir, just a second, ummm, that’s MY leg, hallo, I said that’s my leg please put it down, this is most improper would somebody please make him bring it back?)

No, I shall Survey the Tiger From Afar and the guide will say "Kaafi door pe hai, Saab*" and I shall Wither Him with My Scorn (the guide not the tiger, a withered tiger doesn’t make for good photographs unless you work for Outlook) and I shall slowly raise my Camera With the 280 Zoom and I shall Zap That Tiger with a close-up.

And then I shall sell the pics to the News of the World for mega-bucks because my awesome zoom will have captured Intimate Details, like The Tiger caught snogging a contestant on Big Brother, you know the one I mean, Saskia with the big … ahhh-hrrrmm, the lady with the big smile, I meant, only this time it should be the Smile on the Face of the Tiger, now where was I?


PLUS





EQUALS






Ah yes, the camera. Screw the reviews (yes I said s-c-r-e-w), I don’t much care if the shot-to-shot delay is a little long, I’m not built for speed myself.

And perhaps this year I shall finally roust out C** one winter morning and go shoot a photo-essay on Cal. Or just do a Day in the Life of a Small Person and put it on my desktop.
A ½ GB memory stick takes a lot of pictures …

Mmmm hmmm hmmm. 12 days to go.

I just shook out my stocking, Santa, now stop leching and fill it up!

**** ****

* (for Jay, my overseas reader .. errmm, hopefully, Dawn and Dan as well) - "It's a long way off, sir".

**** ****

10 comments:

Webmiztris said...

LOL! that naughty tiger.... how incredibly rude! :)

vAgue said...

ok ok obtuse saar- do you have a spanking new fancy nikkon or not?!
(so i can allow jealousy to set in)

Princess said...

That is FANTASTIC news! Looking forward to your brand new Nikon- hopefully you will share pictures with us soon! :) Also looking forward to comparing notes once you start shooting pictures in earnest with the 8 megapeeexel Nikon!

Sorry about the font on my page- for some reason, I cant increase the font size without making it look like hieroglyphics (my knowledge of HTML is somewhat limited)- Will definitely look into it as I would love to hear your retort to my ramblings! Will let u know how it goes in a day or two.

km said...

JAPda, as ol' Hitch once cautioned us, cameras can be put to some very *evil* uses...just make sure there's a Grace Kelly around.

Krishna

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

Paparazzi welcome a new brother with open arms!

Australopithecus said...

best of luck trying to find one to photograph...a tiger i meant..:D
im still waiting for teh day i can afford to buy a camera.

GREATBONG said...

Yes big smiles are captured the best on 8 megapixels...no doubt.

The 5 megapixel one I have since 2 years now seems to me...oh so old.

Damn technology.

babelfish said...

this be very funny...linked you...no offence meant ;D

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Miz-tris, I can see the Freudian thingy now that you've posted about lions and gazelles.

Bhegoo Bhai, I do not hab Nikkon. I sall not hab Nikkon. But hweeth laak, sall hab sesky Nikon by Phaasht Shep-tame-baar.

Princess, thankee kindly. *gulp*

Krishna, THAT Princess is dead, all we have left are the Monaco biscuits.

Blah-nik, did you know that the Pope is also known as Papa-Ratzi?

Oz, tell you what, I buy the camera and you buy the tiger, then we have a team.

Arnab, Sony have this 5.1 MP camera that has 12x zoom (DSC-1, I think). That was my second choice.

B-Fish, any reason why I should be offended by a link? It's good publicit, innit?

J.A.P.

babelfish said...

na na, not about link, about what name I've linked you under, twice :D