Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Anomie


It’s a strange feeling. Like coming back to a house where you once lived. Perhaps when you were a child. Or at least many years ago. Remember that scene in Yaadon ki Baaraat where Dharam Paaji finds the toy gun? Like that.

But you can never go home again. It isn’t there.

So once in a while I open up the Philippic and check the dwindling footfalls. And read the last comment and wonder whether I have the energy to respond. Then I go 'Pbbrrrrttt, boogeritt' and look at the clock opposite and go back to work.

This last month or so – ever since my laptop was stolen – I’ve had good intentions of taking time out to post on this blog. Or the other one. Hasn’t worked. Camera-phone pics of an omelette are … well, nice, but not really a post. I can’t write a post any more. Because I don’t have my laptop. Such a stupid dependency.

The other reason, of course, is that work is climbing up my a … ummm, my walls? (Right, we shall take a short break for the libertarians to fall about laughing at the idea of a gorment paarsen WORKING. Quite done? Good, so where were we …) I’m beginning to hate having to work for a living.

I lie. I have always hated working for a living. It’s just that now THIS particular kind of work is really getting to me. 'Nuff said. End of whining session.

It doesn’t help that the city now has the most beautiful weather. As I tap away right now, I can see the ugly buildings off Park Street smiling in the evening glow. Like, say, Antara Mali photographed by Probuddha Dasgupta. Know what I mean? We KNOW they’re not really good-looking (at all at ALL) but man, they can be made to look good. This kind of a November evening, I should be out on the street feeling the city blowing in my face. Converting the moment into words that scroll through my mind’s eye like a teleprompter. And I can feel the old writing urge welling up in me but there’s nothing to say. Because that requires THAT chair and my laptop and a half hour to myself. Whereas all I have is this office and deadlines and a consuming feeling of guilt and tension because this is NOT my work. Bgrrrtttt.

Not that life has been bad. My brother-in- … arms is in town after half a decade (yes, I know I could have just said 5 years, but this is MY blog so sneck up), we’ve been having a series of bachelor nights that have left us exhausted, we’ve found what is possibly the only all-night coffee bar in this city and we have a huge stash of Bandel cheese and sossijis. We’ve even had the obligatory boys’ night out. With three young men, a black Scorpio, pub-hopping, drunken declarations of male bonding, loud tuneless chorus singing in a public space at 3 in the morning, large coffees with THREE shots of cream. Hell, one of the young uns is nice enough to drop by my office and give me a neck rub when I’m feeling chewed. Life should be good.

Which it kind of is.

But I miss my virtual inglenook. Where I can mumble to myself and tap away and then hang it on the line and wait for the gang to turn up. And eventually nice people like the Prof and the kids from jheel paar and nice ladies and maybe even A Goddess and the Smart-Asses from Stateside and the Funny Men and the Goo-roo and the Bombay Brigade and the Aphrodites of Angst and the Dervish from Delhi and the People without Names and the People who are Just a Bunch of Keyboard Characters and … well, all of you is what I mean, you know it, I wait for you to drop by and say Hullo and I can stir and wave my pipe-stem at you with a ‘hurrr hurrr gorblimey’ kind of grunt and then settle back into a tobacco doze.

That’s what it is. I miss my addiction. I miss my blogs. I miss you guys. And I’m out of green apple vodka too. Damn.

30 comments:

eve's lungs said...

Hellloo .. you do need a shrink . If its any comfort to you I hate working for a living at my gorment job too .My laptop battery has gone phutt and I have to jostle my two girls out of the way to hammer at ye old keyboard and its more fun just commenting than posting , anyway .

Ron said...

My job is as non gorment as it gets and I haaatttttee it. Went for an interview to this place which is involved inw ork very different from mine, thinking that a change from writing press releases would be good. I was told by people there they haaatttte their jobs too. Theres no escaping this is there?

??! said...

Awwww. We miss you too. We don't always like the heavy meat dependency, but hooray for writing.

Also, get a new laptop already. Then post.

Tabula Rasa said...

if getting off the addiction meant sucking down barrelsful of green apple vodka in office then it couldn't have been *that* bad, could it?

except for those of us who didn't get any, that is. of the vodka or the posts. hmm.

Space Bar said...

look at all of us crawling out of the woodwork! post! post!

(and do people who are keyboard somethings, though not characters, count?)

nimbupani said...

I love what you write and the way you write so imaginatively! I have been a lurker never daring to write (coz it would be so lame compared to your perfumed words :D). Please continue, on laptop, or blackberry, or whatever. Dont Stop!

eve's lungs said...

look at the lurkers creeping out JAP. Should cheer you up something nice .

snickersnee said...

Hey. The only all-night coffee bar in town, you're not talking about the Cafe Coffee Day, at the Infinity building of Sector V, right? Sec V, salt lake?

Because if you know of any other place, you must tell me rightaway. I passed up on the recent parikrama night because I didn't have a place to retire to in case I couldn't come back to college.

Do tell.

Oh, and continue writing. I like reading your blog. :)

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Eve's L, much empathy re: job and laptop. The de-lurking IS gratifying. And your daughter has sterling good sense re: gorment.

Ron, I'm looking for escape. If I can get to do what I like, it's not work any more, innit?

??!, MEAT dependency? Haven't touched more than a slice of sausage in a WEEK. Shall tell you about it when you next call.

Prof, I don't object to the addiction. Or to the barrelsful. Wish I had the latter, though - in office or otherwise.

Space Bar, you always count. Now if we can clear up the woodwork ...

Nimbupani, gratifying effusion, thankee kindly, but Blackberry? (narrows eyes) You been checking on me?

Snickersnee, that one only men.

J.A.P.

??! said...

Haven't touched more than a slice of sausage in a WEEK
aha! All the calories finally called in to say hello, did they?

n said...

"With three young men, a black Scorpio, pub-hopping, drunken declarations of male bonding, loud tuneless chorus singing in a public space at 3 in the morning... "

I'm wondering what I would think if I spotted you "Ewww, creepy old men" or "heh. hope I have as much energy when I'm their age"

Enough wallowing in self pity, old onkel.

Priya said...

AWWWWWWW (Pat, pat pat)

snickersnee said...

damn.

ArSENik said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ArSENik said...

Reading this just confirms that job satisfaction is just a universal myth like invisible pink unicorns and 21st century pacifism. But then, maybe I am too young to compain about my job. Maybe when I have young ones to give me massages and enough male bonding stories to stay up entire nights, I would have earned the right to complain about it.

panu said...

bechara. ahare. come back, tomake chocolate khaoabo.

eve's lungs said...

Tagged.

RBC said...

Let's all stop working for a living and charge out into the sunshine. Yayyyy!

Opaline said...

Haey yer kaku, just resign from work and write that book. =)

Puranjoy said...

Sir,
Your comment-space is being used to insult my religious sentiments. How dare one say Invisible Pink Unicorn is a myth!
Please take action, drink lots of vodka, and post lots of posts.

ArSENik said...

@Puranjoy: I am a believer of the IPU too, but at present a cynical one since it has not revealed itself to me in my dreams or in this warped sense of reality. Hoever, the search continues.

Minka said...

Whatddya expect when you leave reader's with a omelette photo for what ! like more than 3 weeks !!!! Hmph and to think I am back for more !

WHAT'S IN A NAME ? said...

Antara Mali - Probuddho Dasgupto was fab! I am sure the buildings down Part Street would be smiling too. At that!

satanbug21 said...

so wat exactly is needed right now ???

black Scorpio...in workshop for new brakes & clutch plate...
green Apple...will be arranged...
boys are here...

neck rub is a jiffy away...

wat say?

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

?Thing, you’d be surprised.

N, creepy old mAn, perhaps. The others are quite young and personable.

Priya, I suppose you mean well.

Snickersnee, ??

Arsenik, one is never too young to crib. And it never does any good.

Panu, I’m off chocolate. Try again.

E Lungs, give me a week to get around to it. Or a month.

RBC, I wish. But have been walking around in the winter sun, some days.

Opaline, good idea. Meantime, you feed my family?

Puranjoy, am down to one drink any given evening. Posts may happen, though.

Minka, you’d prefer a photo of rhubarb pie?

WiaN, thank you.

SatanBug, let us see what the night holds in store.

J.A.P.

Australopithecus said...

hehe.These days i is also kind of gorment person only. Is being happy with one's job one of those things like the abominable snowman or the loch ness monster or something?

Australopithecus said...

oh and also..wasn't it Amar Akbar Anthony that had the toy gun?
I distinctly remember Pran telling Vinod Khanna (in police uniform) "Baap ki di hui pistol yaad hai, lekin pistol dene waala baap nahin?"

Renovatio said...

Dude, I've heard so much about your legendary capacity for meat, I thought I was going to have someone to join me in the icu when my heart finally gave way from all the bloody reds I keep having, and the ghee in my kulchas, while the rest of my boys were dying of failed livers and/or lungs...

wanderstruck said...

and you said you don't get comments?!!! i thought i'd say hi and then i saw you had 28!!! PFFFTTTT!! :-) jokes apart, nice piece. i know what you mean...the 'i should be out in this weather', the crazy bonding nights with friends. life. bit of this and a bit of that too, huh?

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Oz, you're right, it WAS AAA. My bad. And I enjoy the travelling in my job.

Renovatio, my staple diet now is cucumbers, tomatoes and Bandel cheese.

Wanderstruck, as I've mentioned in my next post, I'm trying for 'the Mandarin in Winter' now.

J.A.P.