Saturday, February 24, 2007

Nasty old man at airport

Very cool – the gent behind me in the check-in line. Shaven head (but two-day stubble) and choti, anorak over mundu. So comfortable with who he is. Platinum-plated watch discreetly hidden, peeking out only when he lifts his cell-phone to his ear. And speaks confidently but not stridently about “two lines being enough in the Supreme Court”.

Uncool – comb-overs. And Rayban Aviators worn in determined fashion inside a neon-lit terminal.

Also uncool – buckles on shoes, even if the rest of her outfit is neat.

Sad truth – you may pick the shortest check-in line, even factor in trolleys with checked baggage, but there will always be SOMEbody ahead of you whose ticket has Complications. That take (on an average) 23’ 15” to sort out before he can be checked in. While the other queues move, shorten, dwindle in the distance.

Sadder realization – a pretty lady may ASK to sit next to you. And the guy on the other side may be a little scruffy. But when a certain effluvium impinges upon your conscious and you gaze accusingly upon Scruffy Man, you may realize with some regret that it is the Lady who Stinks even if she Has Nice Hands and a Bright Smile.

Uncool – a quilted zip-up jacket worn over a formal shirt and tie. Or, conversely, a tie worn without any jacket; it makes the wearer look like a medical representative. Very 70s.

Very uncool – mincing up to the head of the boarding queue on clicking heels, then looking very surprised when directed to the BACK of the line. You know that look that tries to convey “Oh? There’s a QUEUE? How quaint, but I’m REALLY not used to standing in line”? Well, it looks stupid when she has to go the back of the line anyway. Very stupid. Ha!

Coincidence for the day - I noted the name on No.2, Palam Marg as we drove past. A modest cottage (can't be more than 12,000 sq. ft. on a quarter of an acre) with two other names on the gate. Now Karan Thapar is right in front of me, along with two other men who look vaguely familiar and therefore Must Be Celebrities. At least when in his company.

Uncool to the point of loathsome – man with a belly like a 5-month pregnancy, B-cup man-boobs, shirt open to the third button to reveal three gold chains, several amulets and lucky red cords and graying chest hair. And those shoes that look like wicker-work. (Karthik, you are NOT reading this!)

Unpleasant memory – spending the night at Delhi airport last week. The incoming flight was diverted to Lucknow because of … fog? Technical snag? No. Traffic congestion. The damn airport just can’t handle the load. And I have to fly from this place about twice a month. Brilliant.

So pleasant it’s cool – a flight that takes off on time.

**** ****


Ph said...

Will wonders never cease: the old man gives us the low-down on whats cool and whats not cool.

"sen"sational said...

Hehe...going the fugly way. Jamakapor niye bitching and all. :P

Rimi said...

And may they never change, the blessed airports. Not that we lack sympathy for dearold kakus, but entertainment is entertainment. And so few write like wickedly observant you-know-hoos, you know.

thalassa_mikra said...

You ran into our bhery own Bappi-da? Did he entertain you with

"You are my chicken fry,
you are my fish fry"

Revealed said...

Reminded me of heh heh's G-guy. Is this National Weird-Airport-Guys Week?

Deepak said...

What a timely post. I've been stuck at O'Hare for the past 12 hours (with another 9 to go) before I can get on a flight to Heathrow, and your post made me chuckle for one of the few times since I found out my flight had been cancelled.

One would think that those of us who fly a lot would have a decent chance of landing pleasant company during long flights, but experience says otherwise.

I must protest at the mention of B-cup man boobs. I just ate.

Tabula Rasa said...

you spent the night there last week? me too! (well, half a night and all of the next day.)

shakester said...

I would say thats a cool set of observations, except some of the imagery was not quite...well, cool.
and thats for imagining them, you had to experience them. poor you.

panu said...

eh? so now the JAP is giving ze younger generation a lesson on ishtyle?

Quite nice, I daresay, and ze observations are so true. I spotted a Donald Trump hair-alike the other day, to the exact shade, in a face equivalent to Keralan darkness without its beauty.


Karthik said...

Ooh, how mean! No blog meet invites for you. Ever.

Anonymous said...

Giving the Rimikins a run for her bitching money? (uncontrallable giggles at the thought of the chase!) But you are ze too coolz in yr obzuhvations.