Wednesday, May 10, 2006

We are not amused

Apropos nothing except a bad day at work and a dodgy Net connection …

#2 on my list of put-downs –

Nerdy yokel from out in Ah-kunn-saw makes it to Princeton. Sloping around campus (picture, if you will, the dungarees, straw hat and corn-cob) on his first day, he can’t find the library, so he asks the nearest guy (a sophomore wearing a letter) “Yo! Whah’s thuh lah-brairy at?”

Letter Sweater looks at him with the utmost disdain and says “At Prince-TTUNN, we don’t end a sentence wi’ a pre’po’si’shn”. (Do bear with my attempts at reproducing the glottal stops of the Boston Brahmin).

Yokel thinks this over and says “Yo, in thaht cayse, whah’s the lah-brairy at ... ass-hooooole?”

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And my favourite put-down (I am a sort of Anglophile) –

Bar somewhere near 8th and 42nd. A very pucca Englishman is nursing a w&s when a talkative Yank strikes up a conversation. Within 5 minutes of (mostly one-sided) conversation, the Yank is spinning this theory abut how the Brits lost the Empire because of their in-breeding. “I mean, what’s with living in the same house for 800 years and marrying your second cousins? Yer need to be caws–muh-paalit’n. I mean, look at ME. Ah’m a true world citizen! In MAH veins I have Naw-weejian blood, Ee-jipshun blood, Cambodian blood and Eskimo blood!”

The Englishman turns, looks the man up and down and drawls “I say, how terribly jolly of your moth-ah!”

Cue laugh track …

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6 comments:

Aunty Marianne said...

Oh I can beat that.
After the war, a tired American GI takes a train on which all seats are occupied, including one seating the spoilt hound of an upper-class matron.
"Excuse me Ma'am" says the GI, "Ah'm very tired, and I'm wondrin', would it be possible for me to take that seat on which your dawg is sittin'". "

"Certainly not" says the old trout, "My Fifi is sitting there".

The American waits a while, and then finally, his patience exceeded, takes the poodle, flings it out of the window, and sits down.

The matron appeals to a nearby mustachioed retired colonel to intervene at this shocking behaviour.

"You know, sir, you Americans really do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your motorcars on the wrong side of the road. And now again, sir, I see you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

Tabula Rasa said...

brilliant!

Sue said...

Thanks, JAP. It's been a nice sort of day so far and your post fits in place with it.

I'm linking, ok?

Salil said...

A lovely read, especially after end-of-semester exams.

More, please.

ichatteralot said...

British humor is so terribily repressed that it makes you laugh after 10 seconds!

airy voices said...

i'm actually quite amused.